John Cena vs Sportacus
JohncenavSportacus2.PNG Capture-1487117847.PNG John Cena vs Sportacus is a What-if Death Battle. Description: Whilst WWE and LazyTown might not be the most instantly comparable pair, with very different audiences, the current figureheads for both, John Cena and Sportacus respectively, are both terrific athletes in their own right. But what would happen if they stepped into the same ring? Intro: Wiz: Televised wrestling is an enduring form of live action entertainment, pitting fearsome fighters against each other over the airwaves for decades. Boomstick: And no franchise has had quite the success with it as the WWE. Wiz: Indeed. In fact, chairman, CEO and founder, Vince McMahon, is a billionaire three times over with room to spare. Boomstick: And the WWE have always had they're signature superstars. Wiz: Yes they have, and this generation's top dog is none other than John Cena. But what about LazyTown? Boomstick: It's not really targeted at my audience, Wiz. Wiz: Do the plotlines go over your head? But whilst LazyTown might be a child-friendly show, there's no denying that hero, Sportacus, is an exceptionally versatile athletic performer. Will it extend to one-on-one combat? We're going to find out as we analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. John Cena: Wiz: Rising through the WWE and growing to become one of the most beloved wrestling superstars of all-time, John Cena has held nearly every belt you could think of at some point in his wrestling career. Boomstick: He's one of the sport's genuine all-rounders. He's got the strength to go toe-to-toe with the giants and speed to dodge the high-flyers. Not to mention his resilience to excessive damage. Wiz: Absolutely. WWE fighters are often known to be a little more robust than you're average man, and it isn't a real match until the foreign objects come into play. But Cena's stood up to more than your normal wrestler. He's taken blows from sledgehammers and steel chairs. Strikes that would have broken a regular person into pieces, and gone on to win the bout. Boomstick: He's been beaten with every implement known to man. But aside from a little blood, he rarely seems to sustain much actual damage.' ' Wiz: But it's not just the beating he can endure. It's the beating he can deliver too. He's managed to lift wrestlers far heavier than himself, sometimes well over 300lbs. The power of his punches have floored some other tremendous superstars, even in matches unfairly stacked against him. Boomstick: Not to mention he's got a move for every occasion. Slams, top-rope dives, submission holds. You name it. Not that there's submission in a death battle. Wiz: That's right. Death or K.O. is the only way it ends, and we have seen Cena K.O'd before. Big Show proved it is possible, though his record would tell us that it's certainly far from easy. After all, Cena has experience in all manner of fights and against all kinds of opponents. He's earned the confidence he exudes. Boomstick: His attitude can sometimes hold him back though. It's not always a good thing. ''' Wiz: Sometimes. His climb to the top has taught him some tough lessons along the way. You have to expect the unexpected in WWE. Not everyone plays by the rules, and you can't underestimate anybody. But he's still guilty of showboating. That's why he's as beloved as he is. Sportacus: Wiz: "Sportacus 10", or just Sportacus to the people who know him, is the hero of LazyTown, promoting fitness and physical well-being wherever he goes. '''Boomstick: He might need to look out for his own physical well-being today. Wiz: Maybe. But give the guy some credit. Before Sportacus arrived in LazyTown, it was… well… lazy. But he was so pro-active that it quickly changed the nature of the whole town for the better. I mean he basically never runs out of energy. Boomstick: Well that's one thing that could come in handy in a fight. But what kind of moves has he got up his sleeve? Has he been in many fights with powerful enemies before? Wiz: Well, not really. His main adversary is "Robbie Rotten", who prides himself in more elaborate plans than plain fistycuffs. Not that they ever work. But Sportacus certainly has moves alright. His agility is off the scale. Far greater than any normal human. Boomstick: Didn't I hear somewhere that Sportacus is actually an elf? Wiz: Yes, that has been mentioned a number of times. Most prominently in the version that airs in the show's native Iceland. But this elf is not to be underestimated. Sportacus shows off displays of acrobatics at any given opportunity. He's been seen to dive over an archway nearly twice his own height. Boomstick: Twice his height, you say? At 5'8, that's got to mean him getting his body well clear of 10ft. Those arms look pretty ripped too. Wiz: Not just for show either. Sportacus' feats of strength include hitting an apple from his ship in the stratosphere all the way to the moon in seven seconds using an ordinary baseball bat. That's covering 360,000 kilometers (or 223,693 miles) at a speed of 115,042,000 miles per hour. He made an apple travel at 149,936 times, the speed of sound, or around 10% of the speed of light for fun. He didn't even appear to be exerting any effort. Boomstick: That's crazy. Even without air resistance in the vacuum of space, to make an apple travel at that kind of velocity is beyond powerful. Of course some of that may be down to technique. He is a master of nearly every sport. Wiz: Possibly. But he's capable of putting that much power into a swing one way or another. Apples are actually kind of his specialty, Boom. In fact, Sportacus owes a portion of his powers to 'sports candy', a name he gives to fruit and vegetables. These very produce have been shown to amplify his athleticism to the extreme. Might I add that he has been known to bend prison bars whilst operating empowered by sports candy. Boomstick: Prison bars? Those are made of stainless steel! Wiz: Probably because they don't want people bending them. Of course, he does have a kryptonite of his own. Sugar. Boomstick: Sugar? Well that seems exploitable. You can buy it by the bag at any grocery store. Wiz: It's not quite as simple as that. He has to eat sugar to lose his strength, and you'll have a hard time catching him. He outran a cannonball on foot, and was measured to be able to run 22.7 times faster than Robbie Rotten. Boomstick: Average human running speed is about 15 miles per hour. Of course Robbie is a little on the lazy side. But even if he was only capable of half normal speed, that means Sportacus can run at least 170 miles per hour. And the guy was dabbing before it was cool. It's still a little hard to buy him as a combatant though. Wiz: I know what you mean. For all his power, he's a pretty mild-mannered guy. He even refers to himself as a "slightly-above-average hero". Pre-Fight: Wiz: Well, we've seen our fighters. It's time to see who our winner is. Boomstick: Bring on the Death Battle! Fight: Sportacus paced the LazyTown town square. Sportacus: The note just said to be in the town square at noon if I wanted to compete in a real challenge. It sounded good to me. But there's nobody here. Sportacus shrugged and was about to leave when an amplified voice caught his attention. The ground rumbled as a wrestling ring sprang up from the town square. Stood in the middle was Robbie Rotten, holding a microphone. Robbie Rotten: Ladies and gentlemen, you're in for quite a show. Sportacus: But there's nobody else here. Robbie: Really? That's both unexpected and disappointing. I was hoping to charge pay per view. But nevertheless, there is definitely someone else here. Someone I trust is going to take you down once and for all, and prove you're not so great. Please welcome… Drums began rolling over the sound system. Robbie: The unstoppable John Cena! Cena entered the ring, rising up on platform from below. Robbie: I have promised him a particularly shiny and magnificent belt as prize if he defeats you today. Sportacus twisted his moustache and narrowed his eyes. Sportacus: And just what sport are we playing? Robbie: I'm glad you asked. John Cena majors in wrestling. So as our guest, it is only polite that you compete in his prefered event. Sportacus: I'm not sure that's really my kind of sport. Robbie:'' I thought you did all the sports. That's why they call you 'Sportacus'. Besides, I already promised Cena this belt. It's a wrestling belt. See. 'Wrestling'.'' Robbie held up a crudely made, tacky-looking belt with the word "Ressling" written on it in marker. Sportacus:'' I can try. But you'll need to give me a recap on the rules.'' Robbie: Rules? Don't worry. There aren't many rules. But Cena will give you a crash course. Sportacus: Ok. Sportacus stepped into the ring. John Cena: Is this the only guy I have to beat? I thought you said it was going to be a challenge. Sportacus: A champion shouldn't underestimate someone. Especially not someone he's never competed against before. Robbie: This is the kind of stuff I was telling you about. Show him who's boss! Robbie hit a bell with a mallet to start the fight. Cena immediately took a swing at Sportacus, who jumped back, narrowly avoiding it. Sportacus: I've seen wrestling at the olympics, and I'm pretty sure that's not in the rules. Cena grabbed Sportacus by the arm and whipped him into the ropes. As he rebounded back towards him, Sportacus jumped, diving directly over John Cena, landing on the other side with a handstand. Cena: One of those types? I've fought guys with flips and tricks before. It won't do any good. Cena turned around and attempted a roundhouse kick as Sportacus retook to his feet. But Sportacus jumped onto the middle rope, using it as a springboard to backflip over Cena. Cena: Stop running away and fight back. Cena waved his hand in front of his face in his famous "you can't see me taunt". Sportacus: I really think it would be for the better if we just called this off. You can have the belt. Cena: The rules of this battle are that we fight to the end. If you flee now, I will destroy this town. Sportacus: I see you aren't giving me much of a choice then. Sportacus charged over to Cena and punched his upper-chest. Cena took a step back following the punch to regain his balance. Cena: You'll need to hit harder than that. I won't be going down like you're average man, and it shows what a novice you are that you aimed for the chest. A body blow should target the solar plexus. Cena demonstrated, swing a low punch at Sportacus' abdomen. Sportacus jump back so that there was little solid contact. Sportacus: That was a close one. A steel chair was then thrown into the ring. Sportacus: Now I'm really quite certain that is against the rules. Cena reached out to grab the chair, but Sportacus kicked it up with his foot and opened it. He jumped off of it, attempting to clear Cena again. But Cena was wise to this trick by now, catching his leg mid-leap, dropping him onto the canvas, preparing to follow him with his elbow. Sportacus rolled out of the way and sprang back to his feet. Sportacus: Let's try this again. '' Sportacus ran towards Cena, and used a low sweep with his leg to knock him off balance. He jabbed for the solar plexus this time, using more power than before. Cena buckled over from the hit, but again quickly regained his composure and aimed a front-hand jab at Sportacus. The contact was still quite fleeting and he leaned back at the last second, but Sportacus couldn't help but reach for his face as he felt his cheekbone break against Cena's knuckles. Sportacus: ''That was too close, and he's hitting harder than anyone I've ever seen. I've got to end this with my next hit. Cena grabbed Sportacus and threw him up onto his shoulders. Cena: Time for an attitude adjustment. Cena slammed Sportacus onto the canvas. Sportacus wheezed as he coughed blood over himself. He looked down at his hands, now covered with his own blood. His blue attire stained dark red. He was sure he'd broken a couple of ribs at the very least from the impact. Moving hurt a lot. Sportacus pressed the crystal in the middle of his chest, imprinted with the number '10'. It flickered for a moment and an apple from the back compartment of his suit was released, landing in his hand. Sportacus took a bite of the apple and wiped away the blood from his face. Cena: Still trying to win? You'd make this a lot easier for yourself if you stayed down. '' Sportacus charged at Cena with speed he'd never witnessed before. Cena had no time to react to the charge, both caught off guard and unable to follow the rate at which Sportacus was moving. Sportacus: ''No holding back this time! Sportacus drew his right arm back and swung a vicious haymaker at Cena's head. He panted as Cena collapsed in front of him, his neck broken from the force and his head caved in. Sportacus turned and stared down Robbie Rotten, standing aghast at the side of the ring. Sportacus: I have tolerated a lot from you. But today you made a killer of a peaceful man. I think it is best if you leave this town. K.O. Analysis: Boomstick: Where did that come from. That's a side of Sportacus we really don't see often. Wiz: And with good reason. Sportacus has dangerous powers when he lets loose. If he weren't so calm a person he could terrorize towns like these. Cena had the battle experience and the superior resilience. He quickly identified that Sportacus was trying to wear him out by dodging his attacks, and by the end was able to pre-empt and intercept his jumps before they reached their maximum height. Boomstick: Cena was able to exploit his opponent's gentle nature too. He wasn't pulling punches. Wiz: Very true, Boom. Had Sportacus not been so quick and agile, Cena's blows would have been enough to finish him very quickly. Since Sportacus wanted to use the minimum necessary force, and he had never seen a man with the endurance of John Cena, he wasted good opportunities to land significant hits. Boomstick: But even the gentlest heroes will only hold back for so long, and don't forget that power boost from the sports candy! Wiz: That was always going to be a trick up his sleeve. Almost like the Z-fighters and their senzu beans, fruit and vegetables have an instantaneous effect on Sportacus, restoring his expended energy and raising his strength to its limit. Once he knew he had to go all out, there was only going to be one winner in this fight, especially with Cena thinking he had him beaten. Boomstick: Sportacus' reserved nature in comparison to Cena was a weakness at first. But it turned out to be the WWE superstar's undoing. How was he supposed to know the power Sportacus was packing? Wiz: Yes, Sportacus' feats of strength are downright superhero-esque. The amount of power he can generate with his arms was enough to demolish even someone as immovable as John Cena, and his top speed is hard to match too, especially if he catches you off guard. But Cena wasn't to know that, and as he was dominating the fight until Sportacus started to see red, he had no reason to suspect he'd have to be on his toes. Boomstick: The winner of this battle is Sportacus. Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Superheroes' Themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle Category:'TV Shows' themed Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:Clem2k17 Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2018